The Way She Goes

I feel that psychologically what my Step Mother has done to my sister and I for the greater park of the decade is criminal. Irreparable damage has been done to the very way think and perceive how a family is supposed to function.  

Not once since knowing her were Caley and I awarded the same love and affection she had for her children. Noting even remotely close. Yet day in and day out we were expected to rise to her occasion and greet her with our undivided love, attention, devotion, and respect. We’ll never get those years back.

You know…

I would publish my post on how I feel Washington’s farewell address is incredibly relevant in understanding how there exists a gross fractionated divide between what was once my collective group of friends and how any and all bonds can be easily squashed and give way to either vice or other alleged lucrative social offers…but then again such conditions and other means of social disconnect would probably leave the post largely unread, so who gives a shit? 

A summer or two ago these kind of thoughts would be impossible in my mind.

Every time I’m looking, I’m just looking down. 

Fawning over Kennedy family documentaries? Reading hours worth of obscure wikipedia articles, trying to smile at my reflection on my phone screen, and oddly getting excited over a slice of pizza? Is this my life now? Is this what I’ve become? Sitting, alone on saturday night amidst a booming social backdrop? Quit. 

heyheyhaaay:

i think i might make this thing like an actual journal, im just gonna write shit after i smoke, because everything makes more sense in my head. it’s like my anxiety takes a back seat and my actual feelings are suddenly clearer to me.

^Hey look at that! Someone actually thinking of using their blog as a…blog and not some regurgitation machine of idealized and commercial images. With the exception of the whole “I’m gonna write after I smoke because it makes sense” clause this post shows some real promise. Maybe I won’t have to look at the same picture of a skinny girl wearing moccasins blowing a dandelion wearing ray-bans in some meadow five times on my news feed now!

If one day I end up marrying my desire for reading pages of non essential yet culturally/politically relevant information to my lack of desire to read pages of academically relevant information assigned to me for class I will be come the world’s smartest man. 

I did not drown yesterday

That’s a good sign.